Armed insurrection

The assholes who gave Buffalo bad publicity with the Spring of Life are now calling on Bush to use military force to stop Terri Schiavo's wishes from being carried out.

"Early this morning, the Eleventh Circuit Court of Appeals in Atlanta denied Terri Schiavo's parent's application for a stay of her sentence of death. The ruling was based on arcane matters of law and jurisdiction-heady subjects that only lawyers and judges understand. While the law may be complicated and hard to understand, the reality is that an innocent woman, who has committed no crime, and is only dependent upon others to give her food and drink, will soon be dead.

Trans: We're too ignorant and lazy to figure out what all those federal judges are talking about, but we've got OPINIONS. And you know what they say about opinions.

Her mother and father, sister and brother love her-have cared for her and ministered to her. Her estranged husband has constructively abandoned her-yet still claims control over her life. Her situation is pitiful, and we as a people have failed her miserably. Our instinct ought to be to rush to the side of an ailing, dying fellow human being. We should be willing to sacrifice to provide her aid and comfort, but instead, we debate, litigate, and posture.

Trans: "What's the laaaawww got to do, got to do with it?"

In the wake of the failure of the courts and legislatures to save Terri Schiavo from a national experiment with Euthanasia, we are here at the White House and at the Governor's Mansion in Tallahassee because there are yet two men in this country that can save Terri Schiavo's life; President George W. Bush and Governor Jeb Bush.

Translation: Whaddayamean, this sort of hard, personal decision happens every day? Whaddayamean science says she's not suffering because she has no cerebral cortex and, thus, cannot feel anything?

As citizens and people of faith-we implore, beg, nay... insist, that you brothers, so distinguished by their singular accomplishments and political leadership-use the Constitutional powers of their respective offices to interpose yourselves and deploy the police services at your disposal and take Terri Schiavo into your protective custody, direct that her food and water be restored to her, and save her alive while the lawyers debate arcane matters of jurisdiction and jurisprudence. For God's sake, take pity, have mercy, and please do not delay in saving Terri Schiavo's life."

Translation: Send in the police, army, national guard, and the Iraqi Republican Army, if you have to. So long as you ensure that Terri Schiavo continue to live and be used by us as a poster child for our anti-individualist, theocratic cause. Honestly, aren't there fates worse than death? Hasn't Terri Schiavo arguably been the victim of such a fate for 15 years?